Johnny Apple-Seed

OOOOOOhhhh, The Lord is good to me
And so I thank the Lord,
For giving me the things I need
The sun and rain and the apple seed
The Lord is good to me.
Johnny Apple-Seed
Amen

Fooooooor every seed I sow,
An apple tree will grow
And there will be an apple tree
For everyone in the world to see
The Lord is good to me.
Johnny Apple-Seed
Amen!

LIST OF RECENT BLESSINGS:

1. A job
2. Flat mates
3. An amazing flat!
4. Proofreading work
5. Weight loss

LIST OF USUAL-BUT-NOT-TAKEN-FOR-GRANTED BLESSINGS:

1. Amazing family and friends.
2. Amazing church.
3. AMAZING GOD!

News

Check out

weighting the issue

for news of an exciting nature!

SNAPSHOT OF MY LIFE RIGHT NOW

* I am a freelance proofreader! Registered self-employed and everything.

* I have an actual proofreading job for the nhs! Go me.

* Church stuff is going well.

* God is doing amazing things in my life - He is so real, I can't even begin to describe
how amazing it is to know Him. I am loving being a Christian these days. Life to the full is on the horizon - woohoo!!

* I have no home but I am living with some lovely, lovely people who inspire me and encourage me. Always good.

* I am working in an office 2 days a week - less said, soonest mended!

* I have re-joined weightwatchers. Check out my progress on www.weightingtheissue.blogspot.com if you find yourself with a spare moment or two.

* Had an excellent time in N. Ireland recently. Came home feeling refreshed and encouraged and motivated.

More info can be given on application!

Bono

You know those questions like 'If you could have a dinner party for 4 with anyone, past present of fiction, who would they be?'? One of mine would be Bono. I just read this book about him (as you will see if you check out my list of 52 on the left!) and he is just so interesting.

I find him totally fascinating and I have loved finding out a little bit about what makes him tick (incidentally, the format of this book is great; it is interview-style writing and so you get follow-up questions to lots of the things he says which is brilliant!). I get the impression that for all his celebrity he tries to be real about what he feels and how he lives his life. I think his lyrics are so raw sometimes and so obviously intensely personal. I haven't got the courage to be that out there. I wish I did. I often wish I could write songs and sing them out loud that express what I am feeling. Perhaps it would be cathartic, but I just can't do it! I write the songs and then burn all copies in case anyone finds them!

So, I was thinking about what I would talk to him about if I ever meet him. I drew a blank. I have no idea! And then I began to fervently hope that I never meet him in case he asked me any questions! Like what I am passionate about, and how much I do to help people who have nothing, and what I do with my time and my money... The list of potentially embarrassing questions is endless and so my list for dinner now goes like this:

Mum, Dad, Sarah and my Grandpa. All non-threatening and they all have to love me even if I do nothing of worth ever again!

Snow

I love snow - I love to watch it falling, especially in the middle of the night when there is no noise and it is just silently blanketing the world. I love waking up and seeing that it has stayed and the whole world looks clean and white (of course disregarding the dirty, salty roads). I like bundling up in warm clothes and hats and scarves and gloves and going out into a city where the rules have changed a bit - for example, pedestrians carelessly traipse down the middle of roads to avoid icy pavements and cars are going so slowly that it is quite safe. And people take time off, for a moment forgetting the feeling that if they aren't in work the world will stop. People go off sledging or carry their skis to a city park and have a go down a tiny little hill. Strangers talk to each other and smile over a little slip, or a massive crashing fall! It brings out the community spirit in people. I love snow!

New Age, New Hair

Just had a birthday so thought I should get a new haircut to go with my late twenties! I love it and it has already been helping with my love life as a guy in the bar I was at last night asked my friend, Hannah 'Golden' Brown, and I if we would like to go back to his house for a threesome. We decided perhaps not!

52 Books In One Year

Last year I challenged myself to read 50 books in one year. I managed 48 and was sorely disappointed in myself for the failure. To some 4 may seem like a good number, but it was frustrating to fall short by so few - and also to know I could have done 50 if I had just made more of an effort. So, to make up for my failed efforts, this year I will again challenge myself to 50 and add the extra 2 from last year to even everything out and make it a nice round 52! Also, it suits my sightly obsessive need for things to be symmetrical, or seem to fit together as there are 52 weeks in a year! You can keep track on the left and if you are interested in the books there are links to the amazon pages for them all. As you can see I started this year with a non-salubrious choice!

Some 2008 Stats for the mathematically minded.

Thought you might be interested to know a few stats from my 6 months of traveling in North America. In case you don't know what I was doing and some of them seem unrealistic I shall explain... The first 60 days were spent following 11, 12, or 13 bikers across the States and then I spent 2 months in Canada and then back down for a month and a half to America, all the while traveling around seeing various people I know around the place (and some people I didn't know but do now!) So.. here you go:

No of:
Different beds I slept in (01 June-30 Nov): 69
Flights taken: 14
States/Provinces visited: 20
Miles traveled: 23,264.5m (not including miles traveled within cities while staying there which could add about another 1,500-2000 miles which brings us roughly to the earth's circumference at 24,900m!!)
Delayed Flights: 3
Missed Flights: 1
Airlines Flown With: 4
Books read on the Road: 18
Pairs of shoes bought: 7
Hours played on Rock Band: 15 in 3 days

WARNING: Slightly Deep and More-Vulnerable-Than-Usual Post to Follow...

The last months, as I'm sure I have said, have been a great journey of discovery. I have met some amazing people on my travels (not least the 5 brilliant girls in Kansas City who took me in at ridiculous short notice and made me laugh! And the wonderful Sarah who's honesty and beautiful spirit made Madison perfect), and been to many great places.

Last week I was at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, MO. It was awesome (read not in American, but in true sense of the word).

One of the things I have thought about my whole life is finding love - finding not just love, because I have loved before, but The Great Love. That feeling of being safe and committed to one person - loved for who I am entirely. Along with that comes thinking about a wedding and planning mine in my head - the plans have changed a lot over the years and are ever evolving! So far this Great Love has eluded me. I often ask God about it and wonder who it will be, or if it isn't going to happen, or if I am worthy of love, or if God has other plans for me (while secretly hoping he hasn't!).

Last week I was seeking God. I want to know him on a deeper level every day and to find new ways of being with him, and communicating with him, and loving him. I often feel as though the love I give him is insignificant and a small amount compared to the amount of love I have stored for other things. Anyway... to cut a long story short, one night at we were worshiping I have this amazing picture of Jesus' eyes. They were right in front of me - looking right at me in the most amazing way. So full of love and life and laughter and joy at seeing me. Then we sang this song:

I'm more than what these ashes say,
They will fade away when He comes for me.
By grace through faith in Christ I'm saved,
I am not the same when He looks at me.

I am the rose, the joy for which You died
And this I know, I move You with delight
And when my heart condemns on every side
I take refuge in the truth, I am the rose to You.

My life is more than meets the eye
I'm hidden now with Christ and I'm one with Him
My love is real before His eyes
He's ravished by the sight of one glance from me

I am the rose, I am the lily,
I am Yours, I'm Your beauty

There's going to be a wedding
It's the reason that I'm living
To marry the Lamb

I'm more than what these ashes say,
They will fade away when He comes for me
My love is real before His eyes,
He's ravished by the sight of one glance from me.

I realised then that I know my Great Love (and of course immediately burst into tears)! There is no need for me to be waiting for it. No other love is ever going to be as awesome as the one God has for me or I for him. I realised that no earthly wedding would ever compare to the day Christ comes again to marry us - the church - and that wedding is going to be nothing I could ever describe in words or hope to comprehend now on earth. I don't even think I can begin to tell you how much more I love God right now. I don't think I can put into words the way it makes me feel to recall his eyes on my face and the love there. I don't think I even want to describe it for fear of making it seem unreal.

Any earthly love that comes along now is a bonus - but I don't need it to fulfill my life because I am already whole and complete in Him who is the author and perfecter of my faith and will keep me safe until the end.

I think I finally get that whole 'better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere' thing and if heaven is like IHOP I will be eternally happy there (lucky, eh?!). I am sad to have left there and longing to go back. Anyone up for a visit...!?

Recent Thoughts

This is me at the top of the Berthoud Pass in the Rockies west of Denver.

Over the last 5 months I have realised that I had lost hope. I had lost it for my job, for my church - BCF - and for my own life in a lot of ways. I was not feeling passionate about anything and I think I had allowed my relationship with God to suffer because I just didn't feel like he was listening or was powerful to make changes in anything I was doing.

I don't want to be melodramatic (for a change!) and there were times when I glimpsed more of his power and glory (like at the women's conference we had before I left Bristol) but on the whole I felt pretty hopeless and discouraged. I wish I had been able to discern that while I was still in Bristol, but as the descent into those feelings was slow and creeping it has taken time and distance to regain some perspective and some balance. I feel like I am experiencing one of my favourite lyrics "To obtain a bird's eye is to turn a blizzard to a breeze". I realise that life had become the small things of day to day instead of the larger goal of 'your kingdom come, your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven'.

On this 5 and a bit month time-out I have seen that God is big again, and that he is good, and that he is powerful. It has been an amazing, painful and joyful journey that isn't over yet. I guess more is to come and I am excited to go to the prophetic evangelism summit at the International House Of Prayer on Tuesday. I pray that God works a new thing in me - that I am more than ever convinced of his Majesty and his interest in me, you and the whole world. I pray that I know more about his character and his plans for us and that I see more of his Kingdom that is present and relevant.

Milgram Experiment

I was chatting to my friend Lisa today about how people die every day because drug companies won't give drugs for free to people who need them but can't pay. I said I thought if the executives came face to face with those people they wouldn't be able to walk away unchanged - they would have to do something. Lisa said I had way too much faith in human nature! Somehow we got talking about how the people who worked for Hitler could do such inhumane and hideous things simply because they were under someone else's authority.

Lisa pointed me in the direction of an experiment by a guy called Stanley Milgram on just how far people will go when directed by someone they deem to have more authority than them. You can watch the experiment here on Youtube. The end of the video clip turns into something a bit more political, but the beginning bit is the experiment.

I looked it up on Wikipedia and found it a very interesting read. This is a quote from Milgram:

Ordinary people, simply doing their jobs, and without any particular hostility on their part, can become agents in a terrible destructive process. Moreover, even when the destructive effects of their work become patently clear, and they are asked to carry out actions incompatible with fundamental standards of morality, relatively few people have the resources needed to resist authority.^[4]

It is a very interesting experiment in its own right and I don't want to over-spiritualise everything I read, but I think it can definitely speak to me as someone who submits to a higher authority. It makes me think of Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego in the book of Daniel in the Bible who had the resources to stand up to the ultimate authority of their age, the King. And David, who had the resources to stand up to Goliath. And Jesus who stood against the Pharisees and religious rulers who had the place of authority in Israel. What did they have that I need to act responsibly and in accordance with God's will?

I think it was probably their faith in a God who had, and still has, the ultimate authority in heaven and on earth, but I also think it was about their knowledge of who they were in God's scheme of things. Imagine if we lived like sons or daughters of the ultimate authority?!

300th Post! An Anniversary of Sorts

I am back in Toronto now having spent a little longer in Calgary than I had anticipated! It is nice to be back with Kirk and her Canadian family - the Nethercotts. It is nice to be back in a more familiar city too - I find that I like to know where I am and where I am going, it makes me feel less dependent, more independent.

The plan for the next while is to hang here for another couple of weeks, then back down to the States until the end of November when I will return to the motherland! Details are still being finalised but it is shaping up to be a great autumn!

I don't know what God is doing in me at this point in time. I feel like I am following him in the dark, mostly by where I have a vague feeling he might be. It isn't a bad feeling, just means I haven't clue what the next step is or where I will end up or really even what the process is. I am enjoying the sense of freedom though and the feeling that he is letting me choose while keeping an eye on me! Jeff Lucas said once that God's will isn't often a tightrope, a one-path-only kind of will, but instead it is a field - with boundaries but possibilities! I like that.

Calgary and Other Things

It feels good to be back in the swing of checking people's blogs and updating mine. It was too hard to keep it up over the summer, but things have settled down now and I am in the one place for more than one or two nights at a time so it is easier to keep up!

This week I have been in Calgary, Alberta, visiting friends who lived in Bristol for a while 5 years ago - Drew and Carla. They have twins now, Eli and Sophie who are ridiculously cute!



This is us downtown in Calgary - beautiful time of year to be here with all the trees changing etc. It is very pretty.

I missed my flight back to Toronto - it was at 12.15am on Thursday 25th and so I got mixed up with days and didn't really think about the fact that that meant Wednesday night, I was just thinking Thursday night. I managed to get Air Canada to change my flight to Sunday night so all worked out well in the end - manage to spend more time here with the Myers family, and miss a sponsored walk I didn't have any sponsors for and had to pay to do! So, all's well that ends well!! (totally unplanned Kirk, before you start!)

Drew and Carla took me to the mountains which was beautiful - they know I am not a big fan of hiking so the day focused more on shopping, coffee and beautiful sights! It is good to have friends who know you well!

I also met a great family called the Bartels. Dad has been friends with them for ages and loves them so he was keen for me to meet up with them. We had Sunday lupper (lunch/supper). I loved them too so it all worked out well. They seemed to think Dad and I were alike...



I am heading back to Toronto on Sunday (have made sure I know my flight times) and will be there for another 3 weeks or so staying with the Nethercotts and Kirk. Good times! I am looking forward t being back there, feels kind of like home from home for now. Still not sure of any plans further than 12th January so if anyone has any ideas... Am looking for some kind of gainful employment as am just depleting my reserves now!

New Guitar!

Look at my new guitar! It's an Art and Lutherie cutaway in cedar sunrise (slightly pretentious colour title). I bought it in Steve's Music Store on Queen St W in Toronto and I love it! It is amazing - my fingers ache from playing it every day after not having played since the end of May!

Toronto is a lot of fun! I am living with a lovely family and hanging out a lot with Kirk. I am missing Bristol though, which is a nice thing in a way because it means I really might go back there. I was a bit afraid that if I left I would get caught up and carried away by a stream of circumstances to somewhere else... And who knows, I still may, but for now it is nice to know that I miss home. I also miss knowing things like where the best live music venues are, or where I am going, or where to go and eat, or where to go for the best shopping/starbucks/reading experience... I have found a few places that I love but I know there are many more I need to investigate!

Plans for the next couple of months are to stay in Canada until 14th October, then head back down to the USA with a 30 day unlimited rail pass and hit about a million destinations on a literal whistle-stop tour! Heading back to Ireland on 30th November and then off to Bristol for New Year so catch up with you all (hopefully) in those places and at those times!

Muskoka Woods Summer, Summer, Summer, Summer!!

I am at Msukoka Woods - the camp for kids that I worked at in the summers of '98 and '99! It has been ages! This is the view from the edge of the lake the other day at sunset. Truly magical! Will be here until Friday night then heading down to Toronto for a while. Love traveling! Will also try to be a better blogger (although blog-land seems a lot slower in the summer in general...).